Naruto is a What?
by Clyde-chan
Summary: Naruto gets turned into a girl after passing a stranger one night. what misadventures will ensue?
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N) So, another Naruto fic. Hmmm… ah well. R&R!!!**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Naruto.**

Naruto was walking back from a 24 hour convenient store after having a ramen craving at twelve in the morning. He bought all the instant ramen on the shelves. His wallet was completely empty, but he was happy that he had his ramen.

Wanting to get to his apartment as quickly as possible, he ran as fast as he could, directing chakra into his feet. As he turned the corner he noticed a strange person on the street with him. Said person had a hood on that covered his (or her) face. The figure was wearing baggy clothing so it was almost impossible to determine its gender. Naruto chose to ignore it. But as the figure drew closer, Naruto felt an immense chakra pouring off of the person.

The figure passed Naruto, brushing his shoulder. Naruto thought nothing of it and just continued running to his apartment. When he reached it, he unlocked the door, and ran straight to the kitchen, making his ramen. After he ate, he went to his room, and fell asleep in his clothes.

"Leave me alone, stupid sun!"

Naruto grabbed his pillow and put it over his head to block the light filtering in through the window. But he then decided the sun was too bright, and that he couldn't go back to sleep. He got up rubbing his eyes, and headed towards the small bathroom in his room. As he went to do his morning routine he looked in the mirror. For a second he couldn't comprehend what he was looking at. He stood there staring.

And then he screamed.

He rubbed his eyes and then looked in the mirror again.

"I'M A GIRL!"

"Okay, don't panic," Naruto said to himself. "Argh, I even have a girl's voice! Okay, okay. There are some benefits."

He looked down his shirt.

"Dammit, I don't even want to look at myself! I'm thinking like a girl too!!"

Then he heard a knock on the door.

_'Oh no, that's Sakura. I totally forgot I invited her over today to play video games. And she agreed this time! What am I gonna tell her?'_

"Naruto, get your ass up and open the door, or I'll knock it down!" Sakura yelled, not even wanting to play video games with him.

Naruto walked over to the door and opened it a crack. Then he ahemed and tried to sound like a male.

"Um, sorry Sakura, but I can't really-"

Naruto was cut off when Sakura opened the door all the way. She walked in.

"For God's sake, Naruto, you really should…" Sakura stopped lecturing him about the mess Naruto created in his apartment when she saw a girl in the room. The girl had long blonde hair and blue eyes. She looked like Naruto with the whiskers and clothes, but…

"WHAT THE HELL!! YOU'RE NOT NARUTO!! WHO ARE YOU?!"

Sakura kept on screaming until Naruto got up and covered her mouth with his hand.

"Would you just calm down and listen!" Naruto said.

Sakura broke free of his grasp and punched him (or her) in the face.

"I'm really Naruto! I don't know what happened, but I think I'm a girl," he said, rubbing his cheek.

"YOU THINK?!"

"Well, I mean, I don't have a-"

"Stop right there Naruto!" Sakura said, covering her ears, and now certain he was Naruto.

"I'm just saying!"

Sakura composed herself and let her analytical self take over.

"Well, I can't think of a logical explanation for this," she said.

"I don't care about a logical explanation!" Naruto screamed. "I can't go out in public like this!"

"Well, you can't stay in here forever," Sakura said.

"Yes, I can, and I will," Naruto said, stubbornly.

"You idiot, we have to figure out what to do calmly and rationally," Sakura said matter-of-factly. "We have to tell Kakashi-sensei and Sasuke."

"Now way in hell am I going to tell Sasuke!"

"C'mon, Naruto, they can help you."

"How?"

"I don't know, but we have to tell somebody. We need to figure this whole thing out!"

One hour (and several wise-cracks) later, the situation was explained to Kakashi and Sasuke.

"Hmm, so what do you think could have caused this… transformation?" Kakashi said, doing his best to not laugh.

"How the hell am I suppose to know?!" Naruto yelled, pissed off at a certain Uchiha who called him a pansy.

"Naruto, just think back to the last time you were a…boy," Sakura said trying as hard as Kakashi not to crack up.

"Well, I went out last night to get some ramen…" Naruto said tapping his chin with a finger.

"And then what?" Sakura asked.

"And then I ate it."

"Well, duh, I meant, what else happened?"

"Well I passed by this person with a whole lot of catra-"

"It's chakra," Sakura corrected.

"Yeah, whatever," Naruto said, glaring at Sakura because she corrected him. "Anyway, the person passed by me, and I felt all weird. I think he indirectly raped me or something."

Sakura, Kakashi, and Sasuke were all sweat dropping at the last statement.

"Well, it looks like we have our answer," Kakashi said. "A jutsu was used to transform you into a girl."

"What makes you think that?" Naruto asked stupidly.

Another group sweat drop.

"Because you said the person had a lot of chakra," Kakashi said slowly, as if talking to a small child.

"No, I said catra," Naruto said.

Sakura slapped her forehead.

"He's obviously not getting it," she said.

"I think I can get through to him," Sasuke said.

He cleared his throat.

"There was all of this ramen. Beef, miso, chicken. And we ate it all because it was so good. Then we had more. And it was gooood."

"Oh, I get it," Naruto said. "The stranger used a jutsu to turn me into a girl."

"How did you…?" Kakashi asked dumbfounded.

"It's called ramen talk," Sasuke said in all seriousness. "It's Naruto's language."

Naruto was now eating a bowl of ramen.

"Where'd you get that?" Sakura asked.

"The fairies gave it to me," he said dreamily. "And the ponies ate it with me."

"Are you on drugs?" Sasuke asked.

"No, he's just a girly-girl," Kakashi said.

"Now what are we going to do?" Sakura asked, creeped out.

"We are going to…"

CLIFFHANGER!!! MUA HA HA HA!!!

**(A/N) Yes!! A cliffhanger!! I'm evil, aren't I? Anyway, R&R!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N) Just a message to all of the yaoi fans out there, this is not yaoi. It's only for comical purposes. I apologize to those who wanted some shonen ai. But I hope you still read and review!**

**Disclaimer: I own Naruto stuff, just not the actual manga or anime.**

"Do I have to do this?" Sasuke asked.

He was currently standing outside the 24 hour convenience store Naruto was last night. They were trying to recreate the circumstances that had occurred. Sasuke was to be bait to lure out the person who turned Naruto into a girl.

Sasuke was annoyed, to say the least.

"Yes, you do," Naruto said, enjoying this very much.

"But what makes you think he'll show up?" Sasuke asked, itching for a way to get out of this predicament.

"Because the ramen gods are smiling down on me," Naruto replied, drooling.

Sasuke's eye twitched. Even though he was a girl, his obsession for ramen remained.

"Remember Sasuke, look alluring," Sakura said from behind a bush.

"ALLURING!" Sasuke cried.

"Not like that!" Sakura said quickly. "Make it look like you're easy bait. Remember, you're just a normal teenager going out for a late night snack."

"Whatever," Sasuke said, starting to think he sounded more like a male prostitute than bait.

Sasuke walked from the convenience store, starting a trek through the streets of Konoha. Kakashi, Sakura, and Naruto were following silently behind.

Scratch that.

Kakashi and Sakura were following silently behind. Naruto was slurping ramen noodles that he seemed to obtain from thin air.

For a while nothing happened (though a few creepy guys tried to bring Sasuke home with them). The freaks really do come out at night. But then, a hooded figure was spotted walking behind Sasuke.

"That's him," Naruto said through a mouthful of ramen.

"Shut up," Sakura whispered harshly, hitting him in the head.

As the figure approached Sasuke, you could see him make a hand sign. He was just about to touch Sasuke when Naruto jumped out from the trees above, and landed on him.

"I've got you, evil doer," Naruto said.

"Idiot," Sasuke, Kakashi, and Sakura all said in unison.

Then Naruto ripped of the person's hood. They never expected the face underneath.

"Oh."

"My."

"God."

It was Orochimaru.

-0-

They had all dragged Orochimaru back to Naruto's apartment and tied him to chair.

"Ooh, is this bondage?" he asked.

Everyone's eye twitched simultaneously.

"So, Orochimaru, how've you been doing?" Kakashi asked casually.

"Good," the snake sanin responded.

"Created any new jutsu?" he asked.

"Why, I'm glad you asked," Orochimaru said happily. "I'm sure you've noticed Naruto's change."

Who wouldn't.

"That was all thanks to my new jutsu, Shonen to Shojo."

"Shonen to Shojo…?" Sakura asked.

"Yes," Orochimaru said. "It's simple really. All it does is change a boy into a girl."

"And why would you create such a jutsu?" Kakashi asked.

"Because it would be wrong if I liked boys. If they're girls, it would be okay. I don't want to be creepy or anything."

"That ship has sailed," Naruto said, once more stuffing his face with ramen.

"One last question," Kakashi said. "Is there a reverse for the jutsu?"

"Nope," Orochimaru said, smiling.

"WHAT?!" Naruto shouted, spitting out ramen. "I'M NOT GOING TO BE STUCK IN A GIRL'S BODY FOREVER!"

"But I like it," Orochimaru said, sticking his long tongue out.

Naruto cowered behind Sakura.

"Okay then," Kakashi said. "Here's the plan…"

**(A/N) What? Another cliffy? Why yes! That'll keep you reading! Review and tell me if you liked it or not. Oh, and sorry this was a short chapter.**


	3. Chapter 3

**(A/N) Sorry for the long wait. I have a life. For the boys who are reading this, it may be a bit disturbing to you. Just bear with me.**

Orochimaru enjoyed being tied to the chair a bit too much, so they unwrapped the rope around him, opting for a straight jacket. Chains or anything else would have brought on more bondage comments.

"So, the plan is to wait?" Naruto asked, disbelieving.

Orochimaru was struggling against the straightjacket.

"Yes," Kakashi said, proud of his ingenious strategy.

Naruto sighed.

"I have to go to the bathroom," he mumbled.

Seconds later after entering the bathroom, he screamed. Everyone ran to the room (well, except for Orochimaru) and knocked on the door. Naruto flung the door open, his face panic-stricken.

"I'm bleeding from the ass!" he cried.

Sasuke , Sakura, and Kakashi stared, dumbfounded.

"Why am I bleeding from the ass?!" Naruto shouted.

"Don't tell me…" Sakura muttered.

Naruto shook her.

"What's going on?!"

"Um, Naruto," Sakura said. "You're having your period."

"What?" Naruto asked, clueless.

He clearly didn't know about the female body.

"Um, I can't tell you without being graphic," Sakura said," but it's because you didn't get pregnant."

"You mean I have to get pregnant to stop bleeding?!" Naruto asked, panicking again.

"Well, I wouldn't suggest it," Sakura muttered. "But you can't really stop it."

Naruto began pulling out his hair and running in circles.

"What do I do, what do I do…?" he kept asking.

"Naruto, calm down, you're giving me motion sickness," Kakashi said.

"You can't stop it, but you have to prevent it from getting on your clothes," Sakura said. "We're going shopping."

Naruto brightened up.

"For ramen?"

"No."

Naruto began to run in circles again. He wasn't taking the news well.

-0-

"So, you got your pads and tampons," Sakura said, holding them up.

Naruto examined them.

"What do they do?" he asked.

"Well, you put the pads on your underwear," Sakura informed. "And you insert the tampon… um… up your… well, I think you can figure it out…"

Naruto had to think about it for a while. Then it came to him.

"UP MY ASS?!" Naruto shouted.

People turned them, giving them looks.

Sakura sighed.

"Yes."

"I'll take the pads," Naruto said, not wanting anything shoved up his ass.

Sakura nodded.

"We should also get new clothes," Sakura said, looking at the orange tracksuit Naruto still wore.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because, girls don't wear orange jumpsuits," Sakura stated as if talking to a small boy.

"I don't see why not," Naruto said, looking his clothes over.

As you can see, Naruto is not a very good girl.

-0-

Sakura and Naruto returned to his apartment with a new wardrobe and other more… personal items. It seems they interrupted a very important conversation.

"Remember anything?" Kakashi asked, more focused on his perverted book.

"No," Orochimaru said, finally giving up on the restraints.

"How about now?" Kakashi asked.

"No."

"And now?

"No!"

There was a long pause.

"And nooow?"

Orochimaru's eye twitched.

"Um, Kakashi-sensei, I don't think that's working," Sakura said, stating the obvious.

"So what do we do?" Sasuke asked.

"How about torture?" Kakashi asked, though no one could see his smile through the mask.

Everyone stared and Kakashi shrugged his shoulders.

"Just a suggestion," he said.

"Actually, that's a good idea," Sakura said. "Why don't you read your book aloud?"

"I don't think that would be torture…" Kakashi said indignantly.

The three other ninja glared at him.

"Fine," he said. "'Ai was walking through the streets, searching for her lover, Kosuke'…"

"No!" Orochimaru cried. "Heterosexual relationships burn my ears!"

"Then remember!" Naruto shouted in his ear.

"I can't!" Orochimaru shouted back.

This continued for a while. That is, until Orochimaru finally cracked.

"I remember!" he shouted.

"Okay, here's the plan…" Kakashi said.

"Um, we don't really need a plan," Sakura said.

"Oh, okay," Kakashi said, disappointed.

Kakashi really wanted to show his intellect. Too bad.

Now they had to get down to business.

**(A/N) So, how was it. Good? Bad? What? Tell Me! Review for three wishes!**


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